Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
