And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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