Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
