After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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