My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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