i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
