I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
