I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't turn off my feet"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
