Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
