I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
