so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
