You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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