Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
