We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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