I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
