scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize