Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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