What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
