so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
