my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
