i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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