Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize