I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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