There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
