he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
