that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
