I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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