Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
