Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so let's talk penis.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
