omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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