Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
