this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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