would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
