There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize