ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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