Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Please don't give away my fajitas
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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