Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
