Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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