maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
