Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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