I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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