Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
