i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
