Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
