You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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