Screwed.edu
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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