yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i think my tv is drunk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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