Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
