did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
