sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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