All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
