FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
