I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
