Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
