What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
