Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
