ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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