you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
