You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
