Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
