and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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