Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She bit a glass in half.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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