I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My dick has a subreddit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
