having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Two words: nipple clamps
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