umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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