Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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