you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
